How to become more comfortable earning, receiving, and having money
Having more money can feel very scary. The thing is, bigger bank accounts don’t usually change the beliefs, experiences, and fears we have around money. If you find yourself worrying that you are spending your lottery win, tax refund, bonus or inheritance quicker than you would like, does that mean you are bad with money?
Not necessarily. It may simply be that you have fears and anxieties working in the background that prevent you from truly enjoying your good fortune.
Why do I feel conflicted about having more money?
When money feels tight, we often wish we had more and convince ourselves that a financial miracle would make us feel a lot safer. But many of us also dread the idea of a windfall, such as a lottery win or a huge bonus. We start worrying about the stress, tax hike, people taking advantage of us and other things going wrong.
Have you also noticed that as soon as extra money lands into your account, you immediately wonder what to do with it? You start planning for larger expenses, such as a trip to America, a new car or gifts for the whole family. You don’t really wonder how to protect this money. Instead, you may find yourself wondering how long this luck of yours will last and come up with a list of items to acquire while it’s still possible. Before you know it, you’ve spent a lot of the money because somewhere inside, you believe that if you don’t use it now, it will somehow disappear.
If this feels familiar, you are not alone. I have often been in this situation. But none of this means that we are bad with money, ungrateful, or unable to achieve financial success. It is just that a part of us doesn’t feel comfortable having more than usual.
What is my money story?
Our relationship with money is rarely just about money. It involves elements such as what we learned growing up, including our parents’ experiences and their financial circumstances, as well as the beliefs we have formed around success, independence, or generosity.
Our comfort zone with money is determined by factors such as watching our mum count every penny and our parents argue about bills. We saw our dad work constantly because there never seemed to be enough. In some households, money is seldom discussed, and children grow up feeling clueless and unconfident about personal finance.
For some women, another layer comes on top of all of this. They were not the main earner in their relationship, and they depended on a partner’s income. After a divorce or separation, managing money can suddenly feel very daunting. They may find themselves making financial decisions they didn’t have to worry about before, while also dealing with the emotional rollercoaster brought about by feeling like a failure.
Starting a business can bring up similar feelings. You may feel confident in many areas of your life, but feel overwhelmed by the idea of asking for money or even deciding what you should charge. The prospect of having a variable income may bring a lot of anxiety.
If you already have money worries, the idea of earning more can feel scary because you anticipate having even more stress. This can be particularly true for creative women, because when your work reflects who you are, asking someone to pay you for it can feel much more personal. You may realise your work has value yet still find it difficult to set a price. You may tell yourself you want financial freedom, but worry that becoming more successful will be a burden or make you less creative.
None of this means that you are not serious about wanting to receive more money. It is merely a sign that your emotional relationship with money needs to be examined.
Why does more money feel scary?
If you would like to welcome more money into your life, it is worth asking yourself whether you have underlying fears about being richer.
Take a moment to reflect.
If a large sum of money were to be put into your bank account tomorrow, how would you feel?
Would you feel relieved?
Would you worry about losing it?
Would you make plans to save it or invest it?
Would you feel guilty for having more than your family or friends?
Would you be concerned that people might expect more from you, or that becoming wealthier would turn you into an unpleasant person?
Would you worry about being unable to manage such a huge sum?
Would you be concerned about losing everything as quickly as it came?
Write down whatever comes to mind.
How EFT can help you explore your money fears
Once you have identified some of the feelings that come up when you think about having more money, you might find that acknowledging them is not enough to make them go away. You may decide that it is okay for you to earn, receive and keep more, but still feel anxious, guilty or uncomfortable when it actually happens.
This is where EFT can be useful. Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), or “tapping”, involves tapping on specific points on the face, hands, and upper body while focusing on a particular issue. It can help you acknowledge your feelings rather than trying to push them away.
You can use EFT to explore any of the fears that came up in the exercise above, whether that is worrying about losing money, feeling guilty about having more, fearing that success will make you a bad person, or simply feeling that you don’t deserve it. The goal isn’t to force yourself to feel completely comfortable with money, but to gradually reduce some of the emotional charge around these feelings.
If you are new to EFT, this tapping guide can help you get started.
How to use affirmations for your money mindset
Affirmations can be helpful, but only if they feel possible.
If you are worried about money, telling yourself I am wealthy and money comes to me easily may feel so far removed from your experience that you simply don’t believe it.
Instead, try affirmations that truly feel empowering and believable, to help you move towards a different relationship with money.
I am learning to feel more comfortable having money.
I am starting to allow myself to feel better about receiving a fair amount in return for my work.
It is getting easier to receive money without feeling guilty.
I am getting more and more confident managing the money I have.
I feel excited by the prospect of financial security: it is about more than money. It is about me, my time, my family and friends and all the great experiences money allows me to create.
I allow myself to keep money in my account.
I can earn more and still be me, because I know who I am and I cherish my values.
If you would like to have a go at writing your own money affirmations, my affirmation guide can help you get started. You can find it here.
Becoming more open to receiving
Earning money and receiving it are not the same thing. Earning can imply hard work, reluctance and obligation. Receiving is about flow, acceptance and gratitude. You can work hard for your money and still find it difficult to allow yourself to receive it.
Perhaps you find it uncomfortable when someone offers to help you, gives you a gift or pays you more than you expected. You may feel that you need to refuse, explain why you don’t deserve it or find a reason why they shouldn’t bother.
The same can happen in your business. You send an invoice and when the client doesn’t pay right away, you worry that you are charging too much. If you receive a larger payment and you start thinking about what you should spend it on, it can look as though you are trying to get rid of the money as soon as possible.
Pay attention to how you feel when money arrives and try to resist the urge to start spending it. Take the cheque or the receipt, hold it and say “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” Feel gratitude in your heart.
Allow yourself to receive it.
Receiving is something you can practise, and the more comfortable you become with it, the easier it will be to allow money to stay with you. Also try to feel thankful for your bills rather than complaining about them.
Why having a financial safety net matters
Feeling safer with money isn’t only about changing your thoughts. EFT may help you feel safer before you can take a fresh look at your finances and take action. If you don’t know what is coming in, what is going out or how much you need each month, it is understandable that having more money may not automatically make you feel secure.
If you need to, do some tapping before checking your bank account. Make a list of your regular expenses, any debts you have and what you would need to cover the essentials if your income changed. You don’t have to sort everything out at once.
If you are able to, start building some savings, even if the amount seems very small. Having something set aside can gradually give you a different experience of money. Instead of expecting every unexpected expense to become a crisis, you begin to know that you have something saved to fall back on.
If your income is variable, particularly if you are self-employed, having a financial cushion can be even more important. It can give you some breathing space during quieter months and make receiving more money feel less like something that has to be spent immediately. Having a cash buffer is the best way to feel a lot more prepared.
Financial security doesn’t happen overnight. It is built through small decisions that show you that you can look after yourself and your money.
Becoming more confident with money
Changing your relationship with money requires focus and consistent action. It is also a matter of growing confidence.
Start by creating small positive financial experiences. Every time you choose to allow some money to remain in your account, even if it is only £10, and feel good about it, you are slowly creating a new mindset that is open to receiving and retaining more.
Remember: becoming more comfortable with money doesn’t mean turning into a different person. You can still be generous, creative and true to your values, while getting better at holding onto what you earn. What changes isn’t who you are, but the feelings you have around keeping and bringing money in. You don’t have to become fearless: you can still have moments of worry and be someone who generally feels financially secure.
Perhaps feeling safe with money isn’t about knowing that you will always have enough. It is about trusting yourself to deal with whatever happens and show up with courage.
Daphne
EFT is a great tool that can help you address a variety of issues, including the money beliefs we’ve talked about here.
If you would like to have a chat about a belief that’s holding you back and aren’t sure if EFT can help, do not hesitate to contact me.
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