How to transform self-criticism into self-compassion
Do you have a voice inside your head that constantly judges or doubts you? That’s your inner critic. Although it usually develops as a way of trying to protect you, it can leave you feeling anxious, inadequate, and stuck.
EFT tapping can help you quiet this inner voice, understand its purpose, and replace self-criticism with self-compassion.
Judge or bully? Friend or enemy?
“Don’t draw attention to yourself.”
“Stop dreaming, be realistic.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You always get it wrong.”
“No one likes people like you.”
We all carry a voice inside us that we have become so used to hearing that we barely pay attention to it. However, this voice shapes our feelings and beliefs about ourselves. It can also affect our decisions and actions in ways we may not even realise.
Our inner critic judges, criticises and sometimes puts us down. As a result, we may feel inadequate or believe we are destined to fail. For example, it may repeat messages we heard as children or insist that we are somehow lacking.
Even so, it is important to remember that these thoughts are not necessarily the truth. They are automatic thought patterns that may have developed early in life as a way of trying to protect us.
Even though this voice can feel overwhelming, it does not define who we are. Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), also known as tapping, can help us create distance from critical thoughts and understand their purpose.
Tapping can also help us move away from self-criticism and towards greater self-compassion, clarity and inner strength.
Listening to your inner critic
The first step in making peace with your inner critic is to become more aware of it. Pay attention to what it says. What are your thoughts and feelings about it? Where do you feel it in your body? For example, you might feel tightness in your chest, a knot in your stomach or tension in your shoulders. These sensations can signal that your mind and body are reacting to self-critical thoughts.
Rather than fighting or trying to silence it, approach your inner critic with curiosity and kindness. For example, ask yourself: What is this voice trying to protect me from? What is it afraid will happen if I fail or make a mistake? Understanding its purpose can help the critic feel less overwhelming, more like a part of you that is struggling rather than an enemy.
How tapping can help
This is where tapping, or Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) can be so effective. In practice, EFT combines the stimulation of meridian points with mindful attention to your thoughts and emotions. In this way, as you tap, you create a sense of safety in your body, allowing the critic’s voice to be acknowledged without letting it take control. Gradually, this process will help release tension, ease anxiety, and guide you from self-criticism into a deeper sense of self-acceptance and calm.
Tapping tips
Treat scripts as helpful ideas and a starting point. Above all, remember that you can replace words and phrases with ones that truly reflect how you feel. Be specific.
However, if you feel overwhelmed, keep tapping without words until you feel steadier.
Say your phrases out loud as you tap each point.
Notice your intensity on a scale from 0 to 10 before and after each round. Adjust your words as needed.
If you get stuck around 4 or 5, it could mean something deeper is holding you back. Be patient with yourself and reach out for support if needed.
Tapping script to quiet your inner critic
1st round
Start tapping (gently!) the side of your hand while saying the following statements:
Even though I have this voice that criticizes everything I do, it’s OK to be me.
Even though I have this inner voice that seems to hate me, I am safe right now.
Even though I have this inner voice problem and I feel powerless, it is OK to tap for inner quiet.
- Eyebrow – I have this inner voice
- Side of Eye – It’s criticizing me all the time
- Under Eye – Telling me I am no good
- Under Nose – Telling me how much I suck
- Chin – This inner voice
- Collarbone – It’s so negative
- Under Arm – Criticizing me all the time
- Top of the head – This inner critic
- Eyebrow – Downright harsh
- Side of Eye – It’s always telling me off
- Under Eye – So mean
- Under Nose – It never has anything nice to say
- Chin – I have had enough of this inner voice
- Collarbone – It’s so negative
- Under Arm – And so mean
- Top of the head – I am sick of this inner critic
- Eyebrow – Why is it so mean?
- Side of Eye – Why is it always saying nasty things?
- Under Eye – I don’t want those nasty things.
- Under Nose – I want to feel loved and supported.
- Chin – This inner voice always seems to try to undermine me
- Collarbone – I have had enough of hearing this.
- Under Arm – Why doesn’t it shut up and let me be?
- Top of the head – This inner critic is so annoying
2nd round
Put your hands on your chest and breathe in and out deeply for a minute.
Even though this voice is always so nasty to me, and it makes me feel trapped in my own head with my worst enemy, I want to find ways to make this more bearable.
Even though this voice always says nasty things to me, I can choose to accept it as a part of me that has some function, even if I don’t fully understand why it is so mean.
Even though this voice is so mean to me, and it’s hard to tune it down, I choose not to feel belittled by it.
- Eyebrow – This little voice
- Side of Eye – What is it trying to do?
- Under Eye – Is it really that I hate myself?
- Under Nose – Or is it something else?
- Chin – This inner voice makes me feel like a child
- Collarbone – It is belittling me
- Under Arm – Why is it talking to me like this?
- Top of the head – What is it trying to achieve?
- Eyebrow – Do I have to believe what it says about me?
- Side of Eye – Is there any truth to what it says?
- Under Eye – This little voice
- Under Nose – That’s telling me off
- Chin – I don’t have to listen to it
- Collarbone – It is belittling me
- Under Arm – I don’t want to listen to this
- Top of the head – What is it trying to achieve?
- Eyebrow – This little voice
- Side of Eye – Talking to me like I am a child
- Under Eye – Is it trying to protect me?
- Under Nose – Is it about making mistakes?
- Chin – Is it warning me?
- Collarbone – Is it trying to tell me to be careful?
- Under Arm – But why does it have to be so mean?
- Top of the head – I can look for the intention behind this, without having to believe all those nasty things about myself.
3rd round
Put your hands on your chest and breathe in and out deeply for a minute.
Even though this voice is not talking to me in a nice way, I can choose to meet it with love because it is a part of me.
Even though this voice is always critical of me, it sounds like a parent and I can feel it’s trying to keep me safe.
Even though this voice is like an echo of my childhood, I become aware its intention is not to hurt me.
- Eyebrow – This little voice
- Side of Eye – Can feel overwhelming and paralyzing
- Under Eye – But I can choose
- Under Nose – To be grateful
- Chin – I can choose gratitude
- Collarbone – It is trying to keep me safe
- Under Arm – And at other times, it is pushing me forward
- Top of the head – So I can achieve my goals
- Eyebrow – It is fear speaking?
- Side of Eye – It is a reminder from my childhood
- Under Eye – But I am an adult now
- Under Nose – I am thankful
- Chin – But I am an adult now
- Collarbone – I am able to look after myself
- Under Arm – I have learned from experience
- Top of the head – And I can trust my own judgment
- Eyebrow – I choose to feel good about myself
- Side of Eye – I am grateful for this inner voice,
- Under Eye – but I am a grown up
- Under Nose – and I know what I am doing
- Chin – I can trust my own judgment
- Collarbone – I can make my own decisions
- Under Arm – I choose to feel strong
- Top of the head – I choose to feel powerful
I hope you’ve enjoyed this tapping session. Let me know how you got on in a comment! 💟
Daphne
EFT can help you address a variety of issues.
If you would like to have a chat about some problem you have and are not sure if EFT can be of help, do not hesitate to contact me.
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