A compassionate approach to transforming self-criticism
Judge or bully? Friend or enemy?
“Don’t draw attention to yourself.”
“Stop dreaming, be realistic.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You always get it wrong.”
“No one likes people like you.”
We all carry a voice inside us that we have become so used to hearing that we barely pay attention to it. However, it shapes our feelings and our beliefs about ourselves. It affects our decisions and our actions in ways we may not even realize.
This inner critic is that part of ourselves that judges, criticizes, and sometimes even puts us down. It can be so harsh at times, making us feel not good enough, inadequate, or destined to fail. The inner bully may repeat old messages we heard as children or insist that we are somehow lacking, but it is important to remember that these thoughts are not the truth. They are automatic thought patterns developed early in our lives, designed to protect us.
Even though it can feel overwhelming, this voice is not us. It is not who we are. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), or “tapping”, can help us distance ourselves from these critical thoughts, understand their purpose, and gently shift from negativity to self-compassion and clarity. Tapping supports us in moving from a place of powerlessness to a place of love, kindness, and inner strength.
Listening to Your Inner Critic
The first step in transforming your inner critic is simply noticing it. Pay attention to the thoughts and feelings that arise when it speaks. What does it say to you? Where do you feel it in your body — a tightness in your chest, a knot in your stomach, tension in your shoulders? These sensations are signals, messages that your mind and body are reacting to patterns of self-criticism.
Rather than fighting or trying to silence it, approach your inner critic with curiosity and kindness. Ask yourself: What is this voice trying to protect me from? What is it afraid will happen if I fail or make a mistake? Understanding its purpose can help the critic feel less overwhelming, more like a part of you that is struggling rather than an enemy.
This is where tapping, or Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) can be so effective. EFT combines the stimulation of meridian points with mindful attention to your thoughts and emotions. As you tap, you create a sense of safety in your body, allowing the critic’s voice to be acknowledged without letting it take control. Over time, this process will help release tension, ease anxiety, and guide you from self-criticism into a deeper sense of self-acceptance and calm.
Tapping Tips
Treat scripts as helpful ideas. Choose words that truly reflect how you feel. Be specific.
If you feel overwhelmed, keep tapping without words until you feel steadier.
Say your phrases out loud as you tap each point.
Notice your intensity on a scale from 0 to 10 before and after each round. Adjust your words as needed.
If you get stuck around 4 or 5, it may mean something deeper is coming up. Be gentle with yourself and reach out for support if needed.
Tapping Script to Quiet the Inner Critic
Start tapping (gently!) the side of your hand while saying the following statements:
Even though I have this voice that criticizes everything I do, it’s OK to be me.
Even though I have this inner voice that seems to hate me, I am safe right now.
Even though I have this inner voice problem and I feel powerless, it is OK to tap for inner quiet.
- Eyebrow – I have this inner voice
- Side of Eye – It’s criticizing me all the time
- Under Eye – Telling me I am no good
- Under Nose – Telling me how much I suck
- Chin – This inner voice
- Collarbone – It’s so negative
- Under Arm – Criticizing me all the time
- Top of the head – This inner critic
- Eyebrow – Downright harsh
- Side of Eye – It’s always telling me off
- Under Eye – So mean
- Under Nose – It never has anything nice to say
- Chin – I have had enough of this inner voice
- Collarbone – It’s so negative
- Under Arm –And so mean
- Top of the head – I am sick of this inner critic
- Eyebrow – Why is it so mean?
- Side of Eye – Why is it always saying nasty things?
- Under Eye – I don’t want those nasty things.
- Under Nose – I want to feel loved and supported.
- Chin – This inner voice always seems to try to undermine me
- Collarbone – I have had enough of hearing this.
- Under Arm – Why doesn’t it shut up and let me be?
- Top of the head – This inner critic is so annoying
Put your hands on your chest and breathe in and out deeply for a minute.
Even though this voice has been nasty to me, I can see it as something that tries to help me.
Even though this voice has been nasty to me, I can see it as something that tries to help me
Even though this voice has been nasty to me, I can see it as something that tries to help me
- Eyebrow – This little voice
- Side of Eye – What is it trying to do?
- Under Eye – Is it really that I hate myself?
- Under Nose – Or is it something else?
- Chin – This inner voice makes me feel like a child
- Collarbone – It is belittling me
- Under Arm – Why is it talking to me like this?
- Top of the head – What is it trying to achieve?
- Eyebrow – Do I have to believe what it says about me?
- Side of Eye – Is there any truth to what it says?
- Under Eye – This little voice
- Under Nose – That’s telling me off
- Chin – I don’t have to listen to it
- Collarbone – It is belittling me
- Under Arm – I don’t want to listen to this
- Top of the head – What is it trying to achieve?
- Eyebrow – This little voice
- Side of Eye – Talking to me like I am a child
- Under Eye – Is it trying to protect me?
- Under Nose – Is it about making mistakes?
- Chin – Is it warning me?
- Collarbone – Is it trying to tell me to be careful?
- Under Arm – But why does it have to be so mean?
- Top of the head – I can look for the intention behind this, without having to believe all those nasty things about myself.
Put your hands on your chest and breathe in and out deeply for a minute.
Even though this voice is not talking to me in a nice way, I choose to be grateful anyway
Even though this voice is always critical of me, I understand it’s trying to keep me safe
Even though this voice is like an echo of my childhood, I am aware its intention is not to hurt me.
- Eyebrow – This little voice
- Side of Eye – Can feel overwhelming and paralyzing
- Under Eye – But I can choose
- Under Nose – To be grateful
- Chin – I can choose gratitude
- Collarbone –It is trying to keep me safe
- Under Arm – And at other times, it is pushing me forward
- Top of the head – So I can achieve my goals
- Eyebrow – It is fear speaking?
- Side of Eye – It is a reminder from my childhood
- Under Eye – But I am an adult now
- Under Nose – I am thankful
- Chin – But I am an adult now
- Collarbone – I am able to look after myself
- Under Arm – I have learned from experience
- Top of the head – And I can trust my own judgment
- Eyebrow – I choose to feel good about myself
- Side of Eye – I am grateful for this inner voice,
- Under Eye – but I am a grown up
- Under Nose – and I know what I am doing
- Chin – I can trust my own judgment
- Collarbone – I can make my own decisions
- Under Arm – I choose to feel strong
- Top of the head – I choose to feel powerful
I hope you’ve enjoyed this tapping session. Let me know in a comment! 💟
Daphne
EFT can help you address a variety of issues.
If you would like to have a chat about some problem you have and are not sure if EFT can be of help, do not hesitate to contact me.
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